Aftermath

I am still reeling from Wednesday's emotion/post. You should just know that I had a complete breakdown after posting that. (And I'm not really prone to breakdowns.) Suddenly, it all became real. The weight and gravity of God's work in my life completely overwhelmed me, and I just started sobbing. First at my desk, then in the restroom, then at my desk again while on the phone with my best friend. Then again when my boss came into my office. And later when I shared a bit with my other boss and his wife. (Well, for that one I just teared up a bit.)

Then yesterday, I found myself discussing the goodness of our God with a member of the church here...and the tears (not sobbing at least) started again. Then someone came in who had read my post, and the saltwater started to flow again. My daddy always said that God gave us tear ducts for a reason. And apparently, there aren't daily limits set on usage. :-)

A friend suggested that I must have really increased my prayer life with conversations starting, "God, please help me not to think about [food item]..." Totally appropriate in many areas of life, and I have absolutely prayed those prayers over many things. But in this area, things were different. Here was my response:

You know, I actually didn't have many conversations with God about "Help me to not think about..." When I say He set me free, I really mean it. Through His providential grace, one day food simply stopped holding sway over me. I had a few moments were I decided to visit the place of my imprisonment, but it became a (sinful) choice at that point, not a mandate. In so many ways, this journey has paralleled and illustrated what Paul is trying to describe to us in Romans 6 - We are DEAD to sin; therefore, it no longer holds sway over us. (Ergo, quit living like it still has power over you! my paraphrase) Max Lucado wrote a wonderful children's book about this that keeps coming to mind. Of course its name does not... :-( (Anybody know that book?)

Yesterday, I found myself sharing this with a friend, and I feel it really sums up well:

Just to be absolutely clear: This was in no way 'me.' It was in EVERY way Christ. Even my obedience was fueled by His strength. There has been nothing in my life that I've known to be so fully & completely His work as this journey.

I don't know *exactly* how we get from point A to point B, but point A is our struggle, and point B is our victory, and the path there is Christ. Somehow, freedom is found in Him. In my life, the tools He used were Weight Watchers & a gym membership. But they were tools only; the transformation was His.

I have so many thoughts and emotions rolling through me on this subject that I can't even sort them out well here, the place where I sort. I'll work on it, though, 'cause I'm pretty sure this Journey is a story worth telling well. But this one thing I do know, I AM FREE and JESUS WAS THE ONE WHO SET ME FREE! And yep, I'm yelling it. It is that important. :-)

Who I was:

Who I am:

Outta here for now,

-J

P.S. Oh yeah. I'm crying again.

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:

"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,

to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength

and honor and glory and praise!"

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:

"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb

be praise and honor and glory and power,

for ever and ever!"

The four living creatures said, "Amen," and the elders fell down and worshiped.

--Revelation 5:11-14, NIV

(c) 2009