It's Tougher Than I Expected...

So, I still wrestle. And I would be ashamed to admit how often tears are my companion these days. But in the midst of my pondering, I see this:

The emptying that God has done in my life is a call. That call is to faith.

The Michael Card lyrics come to mind:

To hear with my heart
To see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way that I cannot see
That’s what faith must be.

When my hands, heart, head, and planner are all empty, then faith is the response He calls me to.
That He will lead.
That I am not forgotten.
That there is more.
That faithfulness today is enough.

Funny. Somehow I thought faith would be easier. This might just be the biggest mountain I've had to climb. I don't doubt my God's greatness or goodness, or love, or mercy. But I think I've doubted His timing. I've doubted the plan He has mapped for me. I've not rested, but rather have wrestled in the place He has put me. And the only answer I can come up with is...

Faith.

It doesn't stop the pain, or the tears, or wipe away the emptiness. But it does tell me what I should do. I must walk...by faith.

Weaker than I thought, confident in my Caller,
-J

For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. --2 Corinthians 5:7-9, NIV