So, if building faith is one of the purposes of this 'lag time,' and if remembering God's provision is one the the things that will build my faith, then I'd better get to it! And here's one that just popped right up.
A few days ago as I was posting here, I found myself reading back through some of my posts from earlier in the year. I was relieved to find that they did not sound nearly as whiny as I had feared. But that's an aside. :-) Here's what I noted:
In my April 30 entry, I tried to describe the emotional state which had been building in me for months, this overwhelming sense of restlessness/anticipation/anxiety/longing which I could neither dismiss nor fulfill. And a greater part of the challenge was that I felt that it was God who had stirred (and continues to stir) the waters of my heart. At that time, I didn't know how to respond to the challenge. (Actually, I am only just figuring out how to do that.) I signed off of that note in this way:
Oh God, what would you have me do? Is this of Your purposes or my distraction? I both want and hate this, embrace and reject this. Be merciful to me, O God. Remember that I am but dust. O Lord, save me, or I will be washed away with the tide.
And do you know what I realized a few days ago when I reread this? He did. He did remember that I was but dust, and in His mercy, He reduced my emotions to a level I could manage, and has kept them there. This may seem small-ish, but it wouldn't if you had been in my head when I wrote those lines. I was not even remotely exaggerating or kidding. I was desperate!
So I am reminded that even in this, my 'stirred waters' journey, His ears are attuned to my voice, and His mercy is renewed toward me again.
I'm liking this assignment. Remembering. Recalling. Rehearsing the good my good God has done in my life. I'm encouraged already.
I'll leave you with an idea presented (almost in passing, but boy did it grab me) in our worship service this morning:
To stay when God says, "Stay," is an act of worship.
We so often think of going & doing as worship...at least I do. But my overall struggle stems from God's command a few years back from me not to go to the mission field as I desired & planned to do. This quote is a beautiful reminder that obedience--in whatever way--is worship.
May I always be a worshipper of One so very worthy.
To the praise of His glorious grace (& mercy!),
Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story...Let the one who is wise heed these things and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD. --Psalm 107:1, 2a, 43, NIV