Last week during the Music & Arts Camp, we had many youth helpers on campus. They did a GREAT job, better than any other group of youth workers I have ever dealt with (and I've worked with a fair share). One of the workers was assigned to be my personal helper. During a conversation with her, I began to explain that hers was a bit of a harder job than the youth workers who were assigned to a specific class. Those workers always knew what they were to do, what their assignments were. She, on the other hand, had times where she was just hanging out, waiting for a need to surface. Her job was to be available, and though she would have more slow periods than the other youth, when the calls came, her jobs would often be more important to the function of the camp that of the youth in the classrooms.
Even as I reached this conclusion, I realized that this lesson applied to life, my life at least. What I have wanted, where I thought I was going, was a life where my responsibilities were clear and defined, with no lag time left over. What God called me to do was to be available and ready. I don't know that this ends up being more important, but for me, it does end up being harder. If I were a missionary on the field now, I would know my path, my responsibilities (generally); if I were married, someone else would be in the lead. But as it is, God has called me to pull back and simply be available. That is a tougher task, but it is my calling nontheless. Sometimes I wonder what will come out of this--something great? something wonderful? valuable?--but I suppose it's not mine to know. So I'll focus on being ready, on being available, and know that the defined tasks belong to others, at least for now.