The Trouble with Mostlies

Something hit me this past week, a realization that is disturbing, and worse...convicting.

I tend to, at least lately, give God my "mostlies." Do you know what I mean? I...mostly obey, mostly prepare, am mostly honest, diligent, patient, faithful. I am not, however, fully {fill in blank}. I am not giving God 100%, and thus, I'm not giving anyone 100%, not my friends, family, nor employer. It makes me squirm just to type this, 'cause I know that 'mostlies' don't cut it. I know that as a believer, I'm not allowed to cut such corners.

Now, lest you think I don't have a good reason for my 'mostlies,' I do: I don't want to. Isn't that a great reason? I am tired or irritated or lazy or selfish or greedy or whatever the sinful motivation may be, and I just don't want to. That'll get me off, huh?

I Timothy 4:12, 15
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity...Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. NIV

Now the young part is getting to be questionable (If God says most will live to 70-ish, then I've just hit middle age--ugh!), but the principle is clear: Live your life so that you are an example in speech, life, love, faith, purity. Do these things diligently, giving yourself wholly to them, so that you might be an example.

Well, I've been an example lately. A quiet, bad example.

What I really want is for me to just stop being this way. But what I recognize is a pattern, a habit, and habits have to be 'unpracticed' to be removed. I think I have some work ahead of me. It's not going to be easy...my flesh likes the slack it's been cut. But somehow, this 90% attitude that has crept in is keeping me from being all God calls me to be. And not being all He asks of me is simply not possible. The cost was already too high, and since I'm not my own, well, there's not really a decision to make, is there? Obedience to the One who gave all is the call. So...

Out with the mostlies...On to fullies now.

-J

(c) 2008