Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Photo That Started It All...Kinda

There were many, many things that started me on the weight-loss path that I call The Journey. Myriad, tiny things that God planted in my heart and mind. God knows that I'm a slow mover-grower-changer kinda gal, and in His grace, He is always patient with me.

But one thing that was very instrumental in moving me along that path was a photograph. Here, lifted from my friend Beth's Facebook page (uh, thanks, Beth!), is the photograph:

This photo was taken toward the end of the summer after my freshman year of college. I don't know where...I don't actually remember it being taken. (This was also the tannest my legs EVER got--a summer in shorts will work wonders for even the whitest of girls!)

Why did that photograph affect me? All of my life, from early childhood on (more on that later), I had believed myself to be fat. As soon as I began to grow, it was instantly obvious that I was destined to be tall...and not tall & lanky, or tall & skinny, but tall and average build. But I didn't understand that, nor did many around me, and so the idea of "I am fat" infused itself into my soul.

Until the day, a year-and-a-half ago, when I saw this photograph. And suddenly, rushingly, I knew, I could see, that I had NOT been FAT. I had been normal, average weight.

And that's when all my self-conceptions came under deep, deep scrutiny. And eventually, a thousand tiny steps and reasons later, I would begin The Journey.

It is still surprising to me how profoundly this photo from my past affected me. And I still can't fully articulate all that it shook up/loose/crazy in me. But I do know that that one, innocuous act of posting a photo from our ministry team that summer by a long-lost-but-recently-found friend was part of God's plan for my life at this time.

And as usual, I'm awfully grateful to Him for such grace.

Still walking this road,

P.S. Can you pick me out?

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. --Proverbs 19:21, NIV

(c) 2009


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Beth said...

awe, J, I love this post! it rings true for so many of us... I have done the exact same thing after seeing old pics! Amazing huh! Even at my thinnest....I thought I was "still a little fat" cause my tummy had a pooch!

This pic was taken by Betzina! I am almost positive we were in Colorado...Betzina could tell you for sure.

HOW ABOUT my poofy mane!!??!!! tooo funny!

I love that pic, cause I love each person in it so much.

love you.

thanks for this post.

ShalomSeeker said...

Thanks for posting the photo, Beth. Betcha never guessed that God was about to use it like THIS! :-D I love that pic too. It represents a season of deep growth...and a lot of healing too. God does amazing stuff over this thing we call time...

Love you too.

Lindsay said...

How fun to see you and Beth back in the day!!

God has made you beautiful - inside and out!

Thanks for sharing your heart!

Rachel said...

I so know what you mean