Slippin' and A-slidin'

So many victories have been happening in my life lately.  I've been incredibly humbled to experience so very many moments of Christ-made-evident.

And yet...

Tonight, I looked around and realized that an old area of sin and struggle had snuck up in the midst of the victories and latched its ugly head back on me like the leech that it is.

And I'm at a total loss.  This area--though I can go for very long periods of time without failing--when failed in, produces long periods of 'payback.'  And tonight, it seems too much, too great, once too many a time...

And all I can do is throw myself, again, on the mercy of the Lord, and ask for His grace.  Oh to be fully delivered!  Oh to simply be 'home,' never to succumb to my sinfulness again!

I cannot even express to you how very heavy my heart is tonight.  God forgives freely (and I am forgiven), but as I have learned over many years, He does not always (or even often) remove the consequences of our sins.  And these particular consequences drag on and on.  Oh that He would free and restore me fully!  My heart cries out...

O Lord, save me! (Psalm 116:4)

-J

HERE I AM:

Some became fools through their rebellious ways 
  and suffered affliction because of their iniquities. 
They loathed all food 
  and drew near the gates of death. 
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble...

HERE I HOPE TO BE: 
  ...and he saved them from their distress. 
He sent forth his word and healed them; 
  he rescued them from the grave. 
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love 
  and his wonderful deeds for men. 
Let them sacrifice thank offerings 
  and tell of his works with songs of joy.  --Psalm 107:17-22, NIV

I must tell Jesus all of my trials;

I cannot bear these burdens alone;

In my distress He kindly will help me;

He ever loves and cares for His own.

I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!

I cannot bear these burdens alone;

I must tell Jesus!  I must tell Jesus!

Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

(c) 2009