You know, when I look back over my blogs, one thing that strikes me is how overwhelmingly positive they are...Looking to Jesus...
This really significant to me because some years back I suffered through a clinical depression. If you're not familiar with this (and I hope you aren't) this is a period of serious depression (not just the blues) that lasts for 6 months or more. In my case, I began to heal at somewhere between 12 and 18 months. When you are depressed like this, you really cannot see the good, 'bright' and lovely things of life.
This period was a dark, terrible time in my life unlike any other. I ached physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I couldn't understand what was happening to me, and I didn't know how to 'get out of it.' I became such a different person from the person I had always been: from optimistic to complete pessimism; from self-reliant (in a healthy way) to helpless; from happy to desperate; from open to closed. I wouldn't know what had happened to me or have a descriptor (depression) for it until 3-4 years after it was all over. Having no words for it meant I couldn't even tell anyone. All I knew was that I wanted and needed OUT!
And when I say that, know that all options were on the table. Had I not had confidence that God knew what was going on and was still at work in this crazy world and life of mine, I promise you that I would not be here today. Because I had this confidence, suicide was never a serious option, but it did cross my mind. I just could not see the light at the end of this tunnel. It felt more like a cave in which I was lost, traveling ever deeper into the earth, and the voice in my head just kept saying, "Quit."
Since I pulled away from almost everyone during this time, almost no one knows how bleak my life was. Looking back, I can see classic triggers (onset of severe, undiagnosable physical pain, job loss, financial trouble) and classic symptoms (withdrawal from people, complete lack of motivation such that even dressing was a challenge, long periods of weeping though I couldn't have told you what was wrong). And classic responses--being so far away, my family didn't understand what was happening (who would guess depression?!), and this caused conflict between us. It was a truly dreadful time. I often prayed from Psalm 13:
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death...
Now on the other side of this trial, I can understand all kinds of things about it:
· I was correct; God had not abandoned me.
· This was a very real spiritual battle, one that I was crazily losing for a long time.
· There was sin in my life that God was ferreting out.
· There were very hard lessons that I had to know that could only be taught through just such an experience.
· That a real friend is one who will tolerate you when you are in such a terrible shape.
· That healing can take a long time, but it does happen.
· What real compassion looks like, both to me and from me.
I share all this to say, that seven to eight years later I am so grateful that God has restored to me a heart that can see and appreciate what He has given and done. In some ways, I'm even better able to see... And so I know, even more than ever, that He is lovely and worthy and all.
Psalm 116 (My Testimony)
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD : "O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
I believed; therefore I said, "I am greatly afflicted." And in my dismay I said, "All men are liars."
How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD. I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD. I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the LORD—in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the LORD.
In praise of His Name,
-J
(c) 2007
Showing posts with label Imported Post From Previous Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Imported Post From Previous Blog. Show all posts
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Change
Here's something amazing: The work of the Spirit in our lives. How He changes us, sometimes it is dramatic, earthshattering, and sometimes, it is quiet and seemingly out of nothing at all except the goodness of Himself. I love that sometimes I seem to just wake up and be changed. It may well be a culmination, but nonetheless, in that moment I am just so amazed that He can and would change my heart.
And I'm so grateful...
-J
(c) 2007
And I'm so grateful...
-J
(c) 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Homegoing, Homecoming
The gray, Texas morning melted from mist into rainfall just as the pastor began to eulogize the man. As he shared about the man's life, his love for his family, and his faithful service to his Savior, the rain accompanied with a steady percussion, the only noise from the crowd the snap of opening umbrellas. In the distance, a car alarm sounded, a dog barked; but here in this grassy place, silence was the contribution of the people.
His life had been long, healthy, joy-filled. His love for Christ was constantly evident. He asked most everyone he met, "If you died tonight, would you go to heaven?" Many learned from him to answer with confidence. Yet the respectful silence of the crowd was only followed by gentle murmurs of loss, of comfort. No wailing nor undue outburst were shared, though gentle songs were. Here in this gray, quiet place, people shared a farewell.
But on the other side, perhaps it was not so gray and still. Perhaps a welcome home party was being thrown, with rainbows of colors and people of all varieties, with important dignitaries and loud declarations of, "Well done, my good and faithful son!" In this other place, where sorrows seem a dream and pain a memory, a renewed man lays low before his Savior's feet, understanding completely for the very first time exactly what all the sacrifices and sorrows were worth.
As gentle good-byes are given on earth, heaven celebrates the reception of a son, a prince, a brother. What we phrase as 'homegoings' here are really 'homecomings' there, with all the pomp and glory and thrill we remember from younger days, multiplied. Two sides of the same coin, only one tainted by sin.
As I stood in the grass sheltered by an umbrella, I considered homegoings and homecomings. And it seemed to me that He really does bring beauty from ashes. And so even now, this work of the Anointed One makes lovely this corrupted side of the coin, even as He did a cross. How much more is yet to come? How much more lovely will He be revealed to be?
How sweet the gift of being grafted in. How unfathomable His ways...
-J
(c) 2007
Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.
8 "For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and iniquity.
In my faithfulness I will reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed."
10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.
His life had been long, healthy, joy-filled. His love for Christ was constantly evident. He asked most everyone he met, "If you died tonight, would you go to heaven?" Many learned from him to answer with confidence. Yet the respectful silence of the crowd was only followed by gentle murmurs of loss, of comfort. No wailing nor undue outburst were shared, though gentle songs were. Here in this gray, quiet place, people shared a farewell.
But on the other side, perhaps it was not so gray and still. Perhaps a welcome home party was being thrown, with rainbows of colors and people of all varieties, with important dignitaries and loud declarations of, "Well done, my good and faithful son!" In this other place, where sorrows seem a dream and pain a memory, a renewed man lays low before his Savior's feet, understanding completely for the very first time exactly what all the sacrifices and sorrows were worth.
As gentle good-byes are given on earth, heaven celebrates the reception of a son, a prince, a brother. What we phrase as 'homegoings' here are really 'homecomings' there, with all the pomp and glory and thrill we remember from younger days, multiplied. Two sides of the same coin, only one tainted by sin.
As I stood in the grass sheltered by an umbrella, I considered homegoings and homecomings. And it seemed to me that He really does bring beauty from ashes. And so even now, this work of the Anointed One makes lovely this corrupted side of the coin, even as He did a cross. How much more is yet to come? How much more lovely will He be revealed to be?
How sweet the gift of being grafted in. How unfathomable His ways...
-J
(c) 2007
Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.
8 "For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and iniquity.
In my faithfulness I will reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed."
10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.
Just for Fun - Scattergories!
Stolen from a sister's blog:
SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!
*Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following... they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question .
· What is your name? -- J
· 4 letter word -- Junk
· Vehicle: Jaguar
· Boy Name: Jonathan
· Girl Name: Janna
· Occupation: Judge
· Something you wear -- Jewelry!
· Celebrity -- Jennifer Lopez
· Reason for Being Late -- "Just a few more minutes..."
· Food -- Japanese
· Something found in a bathroom -- Jets
· Cartoon Character -- Jerry (as in, Tom and)
· Something You Shout -- Joy!
-J
SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!
*Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following... they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question .
· What is your name? -- J
· 4 letter word -- Junk
· Vehicle: Jaguar
· Boy Name: Jonathan
· Girl Name: Janna
· Occupation: Judge
· Something you wear -- Jewelry!
· Celebrity -- Jennifer Lopez
· Reason for Being Late -- "Just a few more minutes..."
· Food -- Japanese
· Something found in a bathroom -- Jets
· Cartoon Character -- Jerry (as in, Tom and)
· Something You Shout -- Joy!
-J
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Fall in the South
Here's something I really like about living in the Southeast: It's October, and there are still trees and plants in flower (not just bloom--lovely, vibrant colors!). The temperature is low 80s in the day, 50s at night.
You gotta love this!
-J
(c) 2007
You gotta love this!
-J
(c) 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Vindication
As if He even needed it.
I'm not sure I remember even questioning directly, yet the thoughts still lingered around the corners of my mind: Why am I here, in the South, in this city? I, who yearned and prepared for 20+ years to go to the mission field, why am I not allowed to go? What could God's purpose be in this?
When God said stay, I said yes. And I would NOT want to move or to stay outside of His will. (Remember when the Israelites tried to take Canaan after God said they couldn't for forty more years? Disastrous!) But I think on some (and various) levels, I just wondered why. Had I done/not done something that would disqualify me? Was there sin in my life, or bad habits, that God needed eradicated? Had I so misunderstood His call as to have been misdirected for so many years? (To this, I can pretty quickly say no. I don't understand the contrast between go and don't go, but neither did Abraham when God said to offer up the son of the promise.)
I cannot fully answer this question, and perhaps I may never be able to. God doesn't promise answers. He gave us the only answer we needed in Jesus Christ. However, one thing I have seen clearly--if only in bits and pieces--is that there is purpose to God's words, and when He says something like, "Stay," there is a reason, and usually many.
Here's one. The greatest joy in my life right now is working with youth in a variety of teaching and discipleship settings. I cannot believe how wide this door has swung open to me and how effective God has made me. I am truly humbled week by week to see His Spirit speak through me ('...as if speaking the very words of God.'). Yet here is what I realized recently: To the students I teach and to their parents, I can say, as Paul did, "You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance..." (2 Timothy 3:10) This is a privilege that having time in/roots here has earned me. If I hadn't lived here, been proven in ministry, having simply spent the time in fellowship with and in service to this local body, I could not say, "You know all about my way of life."
If God had no other purpose for planting me in the South for nine years--and I know for a fact that He did have other purposes--this one purpose would be worth it. For it is my life, lived before this community over time, that has opened up these opportunities to minister. Because of God requiring me to stay, I am allowed to serve at levels I could never have otherwise achieved.
His plan always brings an overflow of blessings, and this is one: That I may be a known and proven quantity so that I may serve my King. I really couldn't ask for a better explanation of His direction.
As if He was required to give one.
-J
(c) 2007
I'm not sure I remember even questioning directly, yet the thoughts still lingered around the corners of my mind: Why am I here, in the South, in this city? I, who yearned and prepared for 20+ years to go to the mission field, why am I not allowed to go? What could God's purpose be in this?
When God said stay, I said yes. And I would NOT want to move or to stay outside of His will. (Remember when the Israelites tried to take Canaan after God said they couldn't for forty more years? Disastrous!) But I think on some (and various) levels, I just wondered why. Had I done/not done something that would disqualify me? Was there sin in my life, or bad habits, that God needed eradicated? Had I so misunderstood His call as to have been misdirected for so many years? (To this, I can pretty quickly say no. I don't understand the contrast between go and don't go, but neither did Abraham when God said to offer up the son of the promise.)
I cannot fully answer this question, and perhaps I may never be able to. God doesn't promise answers. He gave us the only answer we needed in Jesus Christ. However, one thing I have seen clearly--if only in bits and pieces--is that there is purpose to God's words, and when He says something like, "Stay," there is a reason, and usually many.
Here's one. The greatest joy in my life right now is working with youth in a variety of teaching and discipleship settings. I cannot believe how wide this door has swung open to me and how effective God has made me. I am truly humbled week by week to see His Spirit speak through me ('...as if speaking the very words of God.'). Yet here is what I realized recently: To the students I teach and to their parents, I can say, as Paul did, "You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance..." (2 Timothy 3:10) This is a privilege that having time in/roots here has earned me. If I hadn't lived here, been proven in ministry, having simply spent the time in fellowship with and in service to this local body, I could not say, "You know all about my way of life."
If God had no other purpose for planting me in the South for nine years--and I know for a fact that He did have other purposes--this one purpose would be worth it. For it is my life, lived before this community over time, that has opened up these opportunities to minister. Because of God requiring me to stay, I am allowed to serve at levels I could never have otherwise achieved.
His plan always brings an overflow of blessings, and this is one: That I may be a known and proven quantity so that I may serve my King. I really couldn't ask for a better explanation of His direction.
As if He was required to give one.
-J
(c) 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Good Gifts, Great God
You know what I was thinking last night? Consider all the good things in your life: the people and relationships, the things that make life easier, the exciting or pleasurable experiences, the little extras that just make you happy. All of that, EVERY good gift, comes from our Father. If we, yet sinful and bound to this sinful world, can enjoy such wonderful things, can you imagine what eternity will be like? When God forever bestows on us His good gifts and we are ever able to see and appreciate His generosity?! As if salvation from His wrath and our earned judgment wasn't enough!
You know, if God never did one more kind or good thing for us, if He never answered, "Yes," to one more plea, He has already given us more than we can ask or imagine. We (believers in Jesus), rescued from His wrath, have NOTHING to complain about and EVERYTHING for which to praise Him. This is how Paul can write in I Thessalonians, "Give thanks in all circumstances." This is how he can write to the Philippians, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." This otherwise insumountable task can be accomplished only when we understand what God has already done for us.
If the only thing God ever did for mankind was to send Jesus to be our atoning sacrifice, eternity would ring forever with His praises. Can you imagine what celebrations await us since He has given us so much more?!
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -Matthew 7:9-11
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3
Looking forward,
-J
(c) 2007
You know, if God never did one more kind or good thing for us, if He never answered, "Yes," to one more plea, He has already given us more than we can ask or imagine. We (believers in Jesus), rescued from His wrath, have NOTHING to complain about and EVERYTHING for which to praise Him. This is how Paul can write in I Thessalonians, "Give thanks in all circumstances." This is how he can write to the Philippians, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." This otherwise insumountable task can be accomplished only when we understand what God has already done for us.
If the only thing God ever did for mankind was to send Jesus to be our atoning sacrifice, eternity would ring forever with His praises. Can you imagine what celebrations await us since He has given us so much more?!
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -Matthew 7:9-11
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3
Looking forward,
-J
(c) 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Pleasing Meditation
You know, I am so thankful God allows challenging, difficult, even hard things, in my life. Even the day-to-day annoyances keep me coming before His throne and remembering my dependence on Him. I love that He is so good to send such things my way, for I want nothing more than I want to draw close to Him, to remember that He is life and breath and nourishment.
I wish it didn't take those things to keep me ever mindful, but I think that is just part of the reality of living now on planet earth. Just think how marvelous eternity will be, when we are fully and constantly infused with His presence and undistracted by sin and those things that so easily entangle! I really cannot wait, except that I have to! LOL! :-)
-J
(c) 2007
I wish it didn't take those things to keep me ever mindful, but I think that is just part of the reality of living now on planet earth. Just think how marvelous eternity will be, when we are fully and constantly infused with His presence and undistracted by sin and those things that so easily entangle! I really cannot wait, except that I have to! LOL! :-)
-J
(c) 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
On Discipleship
Sometimes I think I have the best life ever. And...sometimes not. But mostly these days, it is really, really good.
I am spending much time working on lessons for various discipleship activities that I am involved in, and I am enjoying both the preparation and the presentation, and I am LOVING seeing people engage God and His Word more and more.
I teach a middle school discipleship class on Sunday mornings. Some would call this Sunday School, but I like to be very specific about my intent: discipleship--Intentional training in righteousness through relationship. I find this very cool.
For years I thought I had not been discipled, but you know, that is exactly what my parents were doing all along. And while many others, mostly relatives, input into my life, I never really had someone come along and say, "I want to mentor you and help to train you in the Scriptures. I will commit myself to this." And I was so hungry for and open to this. So now I am very intentional about trying to do this for others.
I must admit, however, that this is a recent development. It took me many years to translate what I received from my parents into something I could give. I'm pretty sure that I would have no trouble discipling my own children, because this is what I saw modeled, but since I don't have children, that isn't very useful just now. But how do you do something like that when you've never seen it modeled? Jesus' primary command was to MAKE DISCIPLES, but I just never really saw people doing this. I learn best by watching others and then diving in and trying it myself. I'm very hesitant to try something I've never seen done before, so it took God's intervention to start me moving...
A few years ago, okay more like five or six, a friend of mine from church asked me to disciple her. That was pretty weird to me for a couple of reasons:
Joyfully,
-J
"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." --Matthew 28:18-20
(c) 2007
I am spending much time working on lessons for various discipleship activities that I am involved in, and I am enjoying both the preparation and the presentation, and I am LOVING seeing people engage God and His Word more and more.
I teach a middle school discipleship class on Sunday mornings. Some would call this Sunday School, but I like to be very specific about my intent: discipleship--Intentional training in righteousness through relationship. I find this very cool.
For years I thought I had not been discipled, but you know, that is exactly what my parents were doing all along. And while many others, mostly relatives, input into my life, I never really had someone come along and say, "I want to mentor you and help to train you in the Scriptures. I will commit myself to this." And I was so hungry for and open to this. So now I am very intentional about trying to do this for others.
I must admit, however, that this is a recent development. It took me many years to translate what I received from my parents into something I could give. I'm pretty sure that I would have no trouble discipling my own children, because this is what I saw modeled, but since I don't have children, that isn't very useful just now. But how do you do something like that when you've never seen it modeled? Jesus' primary command was to MAKE DISCIPLES, but I just never really saw people doing this. I learn best by watching others and then diving in and trying it myself. I'm very hesitant to try something I've never seen done before, so it took God's intervention to start me moving...
A few years ago, okay more like five or six, a friend of mine from church asked me to disciple her. That was pretty weird to me for a couple of reasons:
- I had never done it. (And I wasn't anxious to try something I'd never seen done before.)
- She was the same age I was. (I always pictured this older to younger.)
- She was married. (How could I help her? I've never been there.)
- It didn't matter that I hadn't done it or seen it done. He could handle it; I just needed to jump in.
- It didn't matter that I was the same age. In this case at least, I had quite a few years on her--in the Lord.
- It didn't matter that she was married. Almost all of the basic issues of life are the same for married and single, and those that weren't, well, His Word was sufficient for that. I just needed to share His Word.
And so , choosing between obedience and disobedience, I jumped in. We typically met for two hours a week, and it was wonderful. At first, I was really nervous, thinking that I needed a curriculum (not bad a bad idea in some circumstances), but really, once we opened the floodgates, it just became a Bible Q&A session. My friend was inquisitive and (mostly) willing to apply God's Truth to her life. The few instances she wasn't interested, she would still hear me out. It was a wonderful first step. We met for two years, and I learned that:
- God could handle whatever was thrown my way. My only need was obedience.
- God had already supplied me with most of the knowledge and education I needed to handle this situation, and where I was insufficient, He was plenty so.
- His Word answers all the questions and needs in each person's life, no matter how different we are.
Joyfully,
-J
"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." --Matthew 28:18-20
(c) 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Journal Entry from 9.3.2007
I've said, "Whatever it takes." And I meant it.
But I hate what it takes, how much it takes. I hate that there is still so much in me that isn't 'Jesus'; how much pride and self-service still surfaces in me. I hate that ferreting it out almost certainly requires pain, and that pain almost certainly means that there is something else to be ferreted out. If it weren't God's hand and God's process, it would be cruel indeed. If Jesus' glory weren't so beautiful and worthy to be reflected, this process would not be worth it. Indeed, if I hadn't seen His glory, the Father's glory in the Son, I do think I would quit.
But I have seen it; I know it to be true and lovely. I know that whatever bit of pain I suffer here and now will be incomparable to the joy and glory yet to be revealed. And so I land at hope...biblical hope--a confidence in what is unseen. Perhaps this is why and how the psalmists almost always seem to end on a note of praise: the price measured against the prize.
Perhaps this is why there is so much discussion in the Scriptures on what is to come, for how can we hope without having a place to focus it? Perhaps this is part of the reason for the pain: it magnifies the prize. The sacrifice shows the value. This is what glorify means. And if this is so, then I land where I started...
Whatever it takes, Lord. No price is too high, though my heart lay trampled on the floor, though all I love is removed, if it brings glory to You, bring it on. Make it so. Though all I ever longed for goes unfulfilled, oh please, glorify Yourself in some small way through me.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. -Romans 8:18
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -II Corinthians 4:6, 16-18
-J
(c) 2007
But I hate what it takes, how much it takes. I hate that there is still so much in me that isn't 'Jesus'; how much pride and self-service still surfaces in me. I hate that ferreting it out almost certainly requires pain, and that pain almost certainly means that there is something else to be ferreted out. If it weren't God's hand and God's process, it would be cruel indeed. If Jesus' glory weren't so beautiful and worthy to be reflected, this process would not be worth it. Indeed, if I hadn't seen His glory, the Father's glory in the Son, I do think I would quit.
But I have seen it; I know it to be true and lovely. I know that whatever bit of pain I suffer here and now will be incomparable to the joy and glory yet to be revealed. And so I land at hope...biblical hope--a confidence in what is unseen. Perhaps this is why and how the psalmists almost always seem to end on a note of praise: the price measured against the prize.
Perhaps this is why there is so much discussion in the Scriptures on what is to come, for how can we hope without having a place to focus it? Perhaps this is part of the reason for the pain: it magnifies the prize. The sacrifice shows the value. This is what glorify means. And if this is so, then I land where I started...
Whatever it takes, Lord. No price is too high, though my heart lay trampled on the floor, though all I love is removed, if it brings glory to You, bring it on. Make it so. Though all I ever longed for goes unfulfilled, oh please, glorify Yourself in some small way through me.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. -Romans 8:18
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -II Corinthians 4:6, 16-18
-J
(c) 2007
Today
I've been told that I don't always provide enough day-to-day details for my esteemed readers, so...
We have a dinner theater this week at work (I'm not in it, just assisting), and tonight was dress rehearsal, so I just got home about 40 minutes ago, and will do so for the next three nights. Busy, but not bad. And the play is hysterical! The Importance of Being Earnest. I liked the Reece Witherspoon version a couple of years ago, but the play really is better. Intelligent humor--So much fun!
Okay, we have a cricket who has taken residence *in* the house. Every few minutes he sounds off. This is especially weird because just two nights ago I was thinking about how that hadn't happened in this new residence (in the 2-1/2 years we've lived here). Go figure. We've got a mind-reading, trouble-making cricket in the neighborhood.
I just bought tickets to go to Texas in October (to visit family), and whenever I buy tickets I always wonder if I have done the right thing. I kinda get freaked out to spend so much money on something so far away. I think I am a gen-x-er in this regard: very uncomfortable with commitment. LOL!
The cricket story continues...as I was typing the last paragraph, a small cricket emerged in the living room. Assuming him to be the singer, I, uh, (Jiminie Cricket lovers cover your ears), 'disposed' of him. As soon as I finished cleaning up, up pipes the real singer. Not nice at all, not at all!
Long day, so I'd better run. I want to add an entry from my journal too, so I'd better make it quick.
Blessings to all,-J
(c) 2007
We have a dinner theater this week at work (I'm not in it, just assisting), and tonight was dress rehearsal, so I just got home about 40 minutes ago, and will do so for the next three nights. Busy, but not bad. And the play is hysterical! The Importance of Being Earnest. I liked the Reece Witherspoon version a couple of years ago, but the play really is better. Intelligent humor--So much fun!
Okay, we have a cricket who has taken residence *in* the house. Every few minutes he sounds off. This is especially weird because just two nights ago I was thinking about how that hadn't happened in this new residence (in the 2-1/2 years we've lived here). Go figure. We've got a mind-reading, trouble-making cricket in the neighborhood.
I just bought tickets to go to Texas in October (to visit family), and whenever I buy tickets I always wonder if I have done the right thing. I kinda get freaked out to spend so much money on something so far away. I think I am a gen-x-er in this regard: very uncomfortable with commitment. LOL!
The cricket story continues...as I was typing the last paragraph, a small cricket emerged in the living room. Assuming him to be the singer, I, uh, (Jiminie Cricket lovers cover your ears), 'disposed' of him. As soon as I finished cleaning up, up pipes the real singer. Not nice at all, not at all!
Long day, so I'd better run. I want to add an entry from my journal too, so I'd better make it quick.
Blessings to all,-J
(c) 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Great Quote
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.- GK Chesterton
This is a principle that got me through living overseas, though I hadn't heard this expressed before. I just called it gathering grandkid stories! LOL!
-J
This is a principle that got me through living overseas, though I hadn't heard this expressed before. I just called it gathering grandkid stories! LOL!
-J
Just Two Things, Just for Fun
I stole these from a stranger's blog. I thought it was fun.
JUST TWO THINGS ...
Two names you go by:
1. J
2. Mocha
Two things you are wearing right now
1. Glasses
2. Sandals - new for me!
Two things you want VERY BADLY at the moment:
1. To be debt-free
2. To go see my family in Texas
Two things you did last night:
1. Babysat for a meeting at church (turns out this is NOT my spiritual gift-HA!)
2. Started reading a book on Scriptural infallibility and hermeneutical principles by J.I. Packer
Two things you ate yesterday
1. Ravioli with tomato-cheese sauce
2. Salad
Two people you talked to last:
1. A bunch of people at work
2. My best friend
Two things you are doing today:
1. Working
2. Laying out my curriculum for my fall Discipleship (read: Sunday School) class
Two favorite holidays:
1. Thanksgiving - low stress, high people-interaction
2. Christmas - family, gift-giving!
Two favorite beverages (non alcoholic) In addition to water...
1. (Diet) Dr. Pepper
2. White Grape Juice
Two things about me:
1. I am thrilled at the discipleship & teaching opportunities God is opening up for me.
2. I really miss traveling
Two jobs I have had in my life:
1. Worst - Shoe salesperson at a specialty store (completely nasty. It scarred me for a long time. This was my freshman year of college and I've only just this summer been willing to wear shoes that show my perfectly-fine feet.)
2. Best - ESL Teacher in South Korea
Two places I have lived:
1. Masan, South Korea
2. Belton, MO
Two of my favorite (types of) foods:
1. Thai
2. Lebanese
Two of my favorite books: Other than the Bible...
1. Chronicles of Narnia
2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Two of my favorite TV Shows:
1. Heroes
2. Numbers
Two places I would rather be right now:
1. New Zealand
2. New England
Who's next?-J
JUST TWO THINGS ...
Two names you go by:
1. J
2. Mocha
Two things you are wearing right now
1. Glasses
2. Sandals - new for me!
Two things you want VERY BADLY at the moment:
1. To be debt-free
2. To go see my family in Texas
Two things you did last night:
1. Babysat for a meeting at church (turns out this is NOT my spiritual gift-HA!)
2. Started reading a book on Scriptural infallibility and hermeneutical principles by J.I. Packer
Two things you ate yesterday
1. Ravioli with tomato-cheese sauce
2. Salad
Two people you talked to last:
1. A bunch of people at work
2. My best friend
Two things you are doing today:
1. Working
2. Laying out my curriculum for my fall Discipleship (read: Sunday School) class
Two favorite holidays:
1. Thanksgiving - low stress, high people-interaction
2. Christmas - family, gift-giving!
Two favorite beverages (non alcoholic) In addition to water...
1. (Diet) Dr. Pepper
2. White Grape Juice
Two things about me:
1. I am thrilled at the discipleship & teaching opportunities God is opening up for me.
2. I really miss traveling
Two jobs I have had in my life:
1. Worst - Shoe salesperson at a specialty store (completely nasty. It scarred me for a long time. This was my freshman year of college and I've only just this summer been willing to wear shoes that show my perfectly-fine feet.)
2. Best - ESL Teacher in South Korea
Two places I have lived:
1. Masan, South Korea
2. Belton, MO
Two of my favorite (types of) foods:
1. Thai
2. Lebanese
Two of my favorite books: Other than the Bible...
1. Chronicles of Narnia
2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Two of my favorite TV Shows:
1. Heroes
2. Numbers
Two places I would rather be right now:
1. New Zealand
2. New England
Who's next?-J
Friday, August 24, 2007
The View Through New Lenses
Well, I've killed myself at work to take a vacation, taken the vacation, and had a little (read: major) breakdown at work since I last wrote. Most importantly, I've come to see life through a new lens. Here's my story.
Last night as I drove home from work, the far horizon wore dark clouds that taunted us with the unfulfilled promise of much-needed rain. Yet the sun shone on over me, so I put on my sunglasses. Suddenly, off to the left, I saw a rainbow. It was if it had just popped into the sky. I pulled my sunglasses down and looked over them, but now the rainbow was barely visible, and only if I squinted hard. Slipping the shades back up, a symbol of a promise appeared before my eyes once again. With the glasses on, the rainbow was perfectly visible; with them off, I wouldn't have known it was there.
This was a perfect metaphor for things God has been teaching me. Over the past few weeks, he has brought me to the end of myself in several areas. I have a very clear mental visual of me coming weakly before God's throne and placing before Him some marred, wadded up paper which is a particular area of my life. I say, "Here's this area of my life (again), Lord. I'm sorry it's a mess (again), but I offer it back to You to make of it what You will."
One area of my life like this has been my work. Over the years, I have often found that I have created a monster in my workplace: creating high expectations of what I'm capable of by working too much, too hard, too long. Recently, I have found that I have been working 60+ work weeks, trying to get everything that has been handed to me done. Yet my bosses have repeatedly told me, "You cannot get it all done; we know that. Just do what you can and go home." But in my pride (and it was my pride), I stayed. I wanted to be known as someone who could do it all and do it well.
Last week, after a week of vacation which provided no relief from the intense stress I've been living under, I buckled. I went to my bosses Monday and shared with them how bad things were. I confessed my culpability, but was so overwhelmed that I couldn't offer a solution. By Wednesday, things had continued to build, and by the end of the day, I cried for the third time that week. This time, I sobbed all the way home.
That evening, one of my good friends called, a beautiful woman who had been fighting Christ's offer of salvation for the entire seven years I had known her. I have prayed so often for her, and that night she shared that she had accepted Jesus. She could have spoken in Swahili and I would have known, for there was a joy in her voice that could have only been placed there by Jesus Himself! My friend had entered into the kingdom of light! She was no longer hell-bound, but would spend eternity in heaven!! I cried again (and am threatening to now), but this time filled with exceedingly great joy.
Suddenly, my perspective was different. Though my work was important, it was not what was really important. Eternity with God--now that's at the top of the list. That night as I talked with my friend, something clicked in my heart and I suddenly understood something that has been said to me by every important person in my life: if they give me too much to do, and I’ve told them so, and they tell me to let things fall off my plate, then it’s not my responsibility to get it all done, just to work as hard as I can. It's not my responsibility...my new mantra!
Perhaps this doesn't sound earth-shattering to you, and perhaps it is not. But it is significant. God brought me to the end of myself and then, when I had humbled myself before Him, He gave me new lenses through which to see. I cannot articulate the boulder that was removed from my shoulders as I looked through these shades. With this understanding, I saw a new a promise: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
I think life looks pretty good in my new shades.
-J
(c) 2007
Last night as I drove home from work, the far horizon wore dark clouds that taunted us with the unfulfilled promise of much-needed rain. Yet the sun shone on over me, so I put on my sunglasses. Suddenly, off to the left, I saw a rainbow. It was if it had just popped into the sky. I pulled my sunglasses down and looked over them, but now the rainbow was barely visible, and only if I squinted hard. Slipping the shades back up, a symbol of a promise appeared before my eyes once again. With the glasses on, the rainbow was perfectly visible; with them off, I wouldn't have known it was there.
This was a perfect metaphor for things God has been teaching me. Over the past few weeks, he has brought me to the end of myself in several areas. I have a very clear mental visual of me coming weakly before God's throne and placing before Him some marred, wadded up paper which is a particular area of my life. I say, "Here's this area of my life (again), Lord. I'm sorry it's a mess (again), but I offer it back to You to make of it what You will."
One area of my life like this has been my work. Over the years, I have often found that I have created a monster in my workplace: creating high expectations of what I'm capable of by working too much, too hard, too long. Recently, I have found that I have been working 60+ work weeks, trying to get everything that has been handed to me done. Yet my bosses have repeatedly told me, "You cannot get it all done; we know that. Just do what you can and go home." But in my pride (and it was my pride), I stayed. I wanted to be known as someone who could do it all and do it well.
Last week, after a week of vacation which provided no relief from the intense stress I've been living under, I buckled. I went to my bosses Monday and shared with them how bad things were. I confessed my culpability, but was so overwhelmed that I couldn't offer a solution. By Wednesday, things had continued to build, and by the end of the day, I cried for the third time that week. This time, I sobbed all the way home.
That evening, one of my good friends called, a beautiful woman who had been fighting Christ's offer of salvation for the entire seven years I had known her. I have prayed so often for her, and that night she shared that she had accepted Jesus. She could have spoken in Swahili and I would have known, for there was a joy in her voice that could have only been placed there by Jesus Himself! My friend had entered into the kingdom of light! She was no longer hell-bound, but would spend eternity in heaven!! I cried again (and am threatening to now), but this time filled with exceedingly great joy.
Suddenly, my perspective was different. Though my work was important, it was not what was really important. Eternity with God--now that's at the top of the list. That night as I talked with my friend, something clicked in my heart and I suddenly understood something that has been said to me by every important person in my life: if they give me too much to do, and I’ve told them so, and they tell me to let things fall off my plate, then it’s not my responsibility to get it all done, just to work as hard as I can. It's not my responsibility...my new mantra!
Perhaps this doesn't sound earth-shattering to you, and perhaps it is not. But it is significant. God brought me to the end of myself and then, when I had humbled myself before Him, He gave me new lenses through which to see. I cannot articulate the boulder that was removed from my shoulders as I looked through these shades. With this understanding, I saw a new a promise: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
I think life looks pretty good in my new shades.
-J
(c) 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
Are you a Sky-Screamer?
This is an email pass-me-around, but I thought it was kinda cute...and kinda true:
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.
The next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground, remember: It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.
I've been a sky-screamer when I should have been an on-my-knees-thanker. How about you?
-J
Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.
2 Corinthians 3:7-4:1
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.
The next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground, remember: It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.
I've been a sky-screamer when I should have been an on-my-knees-thanker. How about you?
-J
Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.
2 Corinthians 3:7-4:1
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Earning My Vacation
I am too busy again. What's really sad is, there is a lot going on in my mind, things that it would be useful to journal/blog about, but I don't have time. I am taking vacation next week, so, as a co-worker told me last night, I am working an 80-hour week to take a 40-hour vacation, to be followed by an 80-hour week. :-( It's not quite that bad, but it's not good either.
I just wanted to put something out here so you know I'm still in the land of the living. :-) Better get to work!
-J
P.S. Believers: I'd take your prayers. I am facing discouragement and temptations in ways I haven't before, and I'm being a little slow in catching what I am encountering, thus a little slow in applying spiritual responses. At least it's only a little slow, but it is still a problem. Thanks!
(c) 2007
I just wanted to put something out here so you know I'm still in the land of the living. :-) Better get to work!
-J
P.S. Believers: I'd take your prayers. I am facing discouragement and temptations in ways I haven't before, and I'm being a little slow in catching what I am encountering, thus a little slow in applying spiritual responses. At least it's only a little slow, but it is still a problem. Thanks!
(c) 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Answers for Anxiety
From my inbox this morning:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Check out this connection I just made. What are we to think on?
· truth
· nobility (in archaic sense)
· righteousness
· purity
· loveliness
· things that are admirable
· excellence
· things that are praiseworthy
What are you thinking on when you are anxious? PROBLEMS. I'm probably behind all of you, but I don't think I ever made the connection before that these two verses sit in juxtaposition to one another. Don't be anxious....pray with thanksgiving....think on positive things.
Unless you have a physical disorder, you aren't anxious unless you are considering, on some level, things that trouble you. What if you considered things that don't trouble you? Things like the list above? I think I've always thought the verse meant don't think on bad things, which it certainly covers. But today I'm thinking it also, and perhaps more directly, means don't think on negative things. This may be related to why we are to do everything without complaining--because complaining is thinking on negative things, and that surely leads to anxiety!
I hope this makes sense. I've just come to this realization and haven't really spent time processing it until right now. Perhaps I should have pondered first, but I just got so excited! (I already know that I'm a complete freak! )
Hope you're pondering on non-negative things today!
-J
(c)2007
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Check out this connection I just made. What are we to think on?
· truth
· nobility (in archaic sense)
· righteousness
· purity
· loveliness
· things that are admirable
· excellence
· things that are praiseworthy
What are you thinking on when you are anxious? PROBLEMS. I'm probably behind all of you, but I don't think I ever made the connection before that these two verses sit in juxtaposition to one another. Don't be anxious....pray with thanksgiving....think on positive things.
Unless you have a physical disorder, you aren't anxious unless you are considering, on some level, things that trouble you. What if you considered things that don't trouble you? Things like the list above? I think I've always thought the verse meant don't think on bad things, which it certainly covers. But today I'm thinking it also, and perhaps more directly, means don't think on negative things. This may be related to why we are to do everything without complaining--because complaining is thinking on negative things, and that surely leads to anxiety!
I hope this makes sense. I've just come to this realization and haven't really spent time processing it until right now. Perhaps I should have pondered first, but I just got so excited! (I already know that I'm a complete freak! )
Hope you're pondering on non-negative things today!
-J
(c)2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Life Lessons
Here's a life lesson with easy spiritual applications.
About an hour ago, someone came to me and told me that it looked like rain. I noted this because I had left my car windows rolled down a bit. However, I glanced out the window, and it appeared to me that the sun was shining. (I couldn't actually see the sky from that angle.) I decided to ignore this warning.
I just looked out the window. Very dark, very wet. I'm guessing my car is in the same state. I kinda feel like a non-Noah-family-member (only alive). Guess I should heed the warnings sent my way, huh?
-J
(c) 2007
About an hour ago, someone came to me and told me that it looked like rain. I noted this because I had left my car windows rolled down a bit. However, I glanced out the window, and it appeared to me that the sun was shining. (I couldn't actually see the sky from that angle.) I decided to ignore this warning.
I just looked out the window. Very dark, very wet. I'm guessing my car is in the same state. I kinda feel like a non-Noah-family-member (only alive). Guess I should heed the warnings sent my way, huh?
-J
(c) 2007
Need a Reason?
We know many reasons why we should be a grateful people. Perhaps most obvious is the fact that we were commanded to give thanks always. First Thessalonians 5:18 says,
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
But what if God's will has a bonus attached to obedience (as, frankly, He so often does)? Check out what I read a couple of days ago:
He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God. --Psalm 50:23
Wow. Check that out. Thanksgiving does two things, according to this passage. One, it honors God. This is nothing to breeze over. Is not part of our mission in life to bring honor to His name?
However, it was the second one that really struck me. Giving thanks prepares the way for God to move in our lives. There is something in my life that I am almost daily asking God to deliver me from. I need His salvation in this area, for I don't see a way out on my own. I want to be fully prepared for God to move in my life, and I suddenly realized that, while I am not an ungrateful person, I should be more focused on giving thanks!
I have started a little 3x5 card file. At the top is the date (e.g., July 26), and then on the first line, I list the year. Next to that, I write the highlights of the day, and for fun, the weather. I fill 3-4 lines, and plan to write on the same card on the same date for the next four years, at which point I'll start a new card.
The cards are a simple way to chronicle my life, and they doesn't stress me out like writing in a journal does. Journals have too much space, and I feel like I should write the whole story, and then I get overwhelmed and just don't write. The cards force me to identify the main forces and events of the day. It'll be interesting to see the comparisons when next year comes around.
Anyway, in response to this verse and also a sermon I heard recently, I've decided to add one line to each entry, titled TF--Thankful For... This means that at least at one point every day, I will be consciously thankful for something God is doing/has provided in my life. So far, I find that the struggle is to narrow it down to just one line. :-)
Just thought I'd share that thought with you. Thankfulness as a doorway to God's salvation in my life. That's a door I want unlocked and open!
-J
(c)2007
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
But what if God's will has a bonus attached to obedience (as, frankly, He so often does)? Check out what I read a couple of days ago:
He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God. --Psalm 50:23
Wow. Check that out. Thanksgiving does two things, according to this passage. One, it honors God. This is nothing to breeze over. Is not part of our mission in life to bring honor to His name?
However, it was the second one that really struck me. Giving thanks prepares the way for God to move in our lives. There is something in my life that I am almost daily asking God to deliver me from. I need His salvation in this area, for I don't see a way out on my own. I want to be fully prepared for God to move in my life, and I suddenly realized that, while I am not an ungrateful person, I should be more focused on giving thanks!
I have started a little 3x5 card file. At the top is the date (e.g., July 26), and then on the first line, I list the year. Next to that, I write the highlights of the day, and for fun, the weather. I fill 3-4 lines, and plan to write on the same card on the same date for the next four years, at which point I'll start a new card.
The cards are a simple way to chronicle my life, and they doesn't stress me out like writing in a journal does. Journals have too much space, and I feel like I should write the whole story, and then I get overwhelmed and just don't write. The cards force me to identify the main forces and events of the day. It'll be interesting to see the comparisons when next year comes around.
Anyway, in response to this verse and also a sermon I heard recently, I've decided to add one line to each entry, titled TF--Thankful For... This means that at least at one point every day, I will be consciously thankful for something God is doing/has provided in my life. So far, I find that the struggle is to narrow it down to just one line. :-)
Just thought I'd share that thought with you. Thankfulness as a doorway to God's salvation in my life. That's a door I want unlocked and open!
-J
(c)2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Asking for Pain
So I asked for pain. I know this sounds like lunacy, but hear my story.One of the blessings of where God has planted me is being 20 minutes from a very nice lake. Another blessing is that my good friends and next-door neighbors have a boat and love company. An excellent combination, I’m sure you’ll agree. :-)
Earlier this summer, I was out on the boat with my friends and heard a discussion about them needing a new platform and ladder on the back of their boat. I remember this distinctly, as the ladder currently attached to the slatted, wooden platform has only one rung, and it can be quite a feat to get back into the boat after being in the water. I was looking forward to using the new ladder for an easier reentry. Who knew that I would become the decision-maker for my friends? [Enter sense of foreboding.]
Saturday, two weeks ago, I was out on the lake with the same friends, along with my best friend and her family. To join in the fun, I decided to embark on my inaugural voyage on a tube. If you’ve ever been, or even witnessed, tubing—a sport entailing hanging on for dear life to a rubber tube with handles which is attached to the boat by a very thin rope and moving at dozens of miles an hour—you probably understand that this is probably not the best sport to learn as a sedentary 34-year-old. But why let a little thing like common sense get in the way? [Foreboding builds.]
I snapped on my life jacket, and stepped off the back of the boat onto the wooden platform, right leg first. You may have wondered if gravity was in effect two weeks ago Saturday. I am ready to testify that it was. Other laws of science were also in effect. For example, wood that resides regularly in water becomes soft and, when force is applied, ceases to sustain weight. In other words, when I stepped onto the wooden slat, it broke in two, and my leg plunged down into the 3-inch gap left between the adjoining slats.
When a body is thrust into such a downward motion, all attached parts are affected. Thus, as my leg went down, my body fell off the boat and into the water. At this point, I suspect that angels were in attendance, for as I fell, I didn’t 1.) hit my head, 2.) break my foot, ankle, or leg, or 3.) rearrange the ligaments in my knee. All of these were legitimate options based on the manner in which I fell, perpendicular to my right leg. Also, because I had a life jacket on (something that wouldn’t have been true if I’d have been jumping into the lake to swim, as I was earlier in the summer), I didn’t drown. The position of my body was forcing my head back and into the water.
Here’s where a hero’s heart is evidence. My best friend’s brother didn’t make a sound or pause a moment. He just jumped into the water (sans life jacket) and began to hold me up as I attempted to pull my leg free. My best friend tagged the owner of the boat, and all of us began to try to figure a way out.
This was one of those moments where time becomes elastic and brief moments are vivid for every millisecond. I was probably trapped less than a minute, but wow, what a minute. Let me review the facts here: I am not a little person, and my substantial calf (of more than 3” in diameter) was wedged—by the force of my full body weight—into a space about 3” wide. Suddenly, my leg began to pull free, as if it were being pushed from below. I have no explanation for how I got loose.
To check my leg, I swam around for awhile while the guys removed the broken board. I knew instantly that my leg was fine. I had massive bruising, and serious knots in the leg, but nothing was rerouted to a different place in my body nor torn from its original location. I didn’t even reawaken an old knee injury (one that plagued me as recently as recently as June; see previous posts). Therefore I did what every sensible person would do: I climbed up on the tube and told them to take off.
Turns out that, if you position your body just right and respond just so to the pull of the boat, tubing can be much like riding a bucking bronco while being sprayed in the face with a fire hose. I lasted about 5 seconds, dismounting in what I like to think of as a graceful back roll. Two abrupt falls into the water were enough to awaken my asthma, and thus ended my day of adventure.
About four days following, the piece of post-modern artwork on my leg shifted, and serious bruising began to appear on my foot. This was quickly followed by the inability to recognize my right ankle, as it looked nothing like it had at any point previously. Swelling can do that to you. That night, I became really concerned. One of they symptoms of a blood clot (not an unlikely result of such a trauma) is swelling in the whole leg. It was after midnight, everyone was in bed, and my only medical option was the emergency room. I lay in bed, unsure of what to do. And so I prayed. Here’s what I asked: "God, if I need to go get some help before morning, give me pain." Severe pain is the other symptom of a blood clot. Flat on my back, with my leg high in the air, I waited.
I slept restlessly that night, but my pain never increased. In the morning, I made an appointment with my doctor, who x-rayed and ultra sound-ed my leg, and told me that I was break and blood clot free. I did, however, have to get off my leg, elevate it, and take an anti-inflammatory. I took that Friday and Saturday off, and spent the weekend with my leg propped in the air.
I have spent every evening since then with my leg propped in the air. I have also spent parts of days at work with my leg pointed toward the sky. It has made life a bit less doable, especially as my numbness has begun to wear off. Turns out, now my leg hurts!. For the first few days, I really felt almost nothing, now I feel pain in parts I didn’t know were present. However, when it really mattered that I feel pain if I needed immediate care, I remained relatively pain-free.
It’s strange how we can be motivated to ask for things that we would not usually desire. Such is the work of the Spirit in our lives. May my heart be ever more motivated to ask for what I really need, not the shortcuts I desire.
It’s strange how we can be motivated to ask for things that we would not usually desire. Such is the work of the Spirit in our lives. May my heart be ever more motivated to ask for what I really need, not the shortcuts I desire.
Sooooo… if you were wondering why I went AWOL, it was mostly because my leg was lonely and wanted lots of attention. And who am I to argue with my leg?
Mottled,
-J
-J
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